7:11 – Poker pro Jean-Robert furrows brows across America as he explains his curious plan to avoid chipping in at camp in the early going and infuriate his tribe mates in the process, so that they will be that much more impressed later on, when he actually puts forth a legitimate effort (assuming he hasn’t been voted off yet). Words can’t explain how ashamed I am that my good friend Tom Fuller neglected his dream to be the first professional poker player to appear on Survivor. 7:19 – Throughout the muddy, physical reward challenge, a delighted Jeff does play by play which mostly centers around his descriptions of the women’s tops being torn off. He concludes the challenge by triumphantly shouting “And Amanda scores even though she is not wearing her top!”
7:22 – Immediately after winning the challenge, the Fei Long tribe earns the right to “kidnap” a member of the Zhan Hu. In a shocking development, their deliberations result in the selection of Jamie, the most spry and attractive Zhan Hu member to romp around topless in the mud within the last hour.
7:32 – Leslie’s teary confession about how lost she is without the strength she derives from her bible and my subsequent giggling has me wondering why it took the Survivor producers this long to put a religious fanatic on the show.
7:34 – Jamie decides to give Leslie the clue to the hidden immunity idol that she must give a member of Fei Long because she considers Leslie the tribe’s weakest member. Without a trace of irony, Leslie deems the clue “a gift from God.”
7:37 – Leslie concludes she’s too unintelligent to decipher the clue by herself so she must enlist someone to assist her, in return for a share the immunity idol. Her assessment of her intelligence proves accurate when she chooses to join forces with Todd, the most conniving member of the Fei Long tribe.
7:40 – My fears that I’m a racist are confirmed as, for the fifth or sixth time, it takes me a couple seconds to realize that Zhan Ho is the name of one of the tribes and not its Asian American member who was born in Michigan and happens to be named Michael.
7:48 – It must be far easier to be forward looking when you’re watching the show on television than when you’re actually playing the game. Erik is laidback, attractive, likable, reasonably athletic, and seems to get along well with everyone, yet he somehow seems destined to make it through about nine more episodes before being pegged as a threat.
7:54 – The Zhan Ho tribe cements its status as a complete train wreck when - in just the second episode - it finds itself forced to vote off one of two relatively useful tribe members in order to alleviate some of the dysfunction that is consuming their tribe.
