This Could Be Love

My flirtation with blogging is in full swing. If time and motivation had permitted, I could have theoretically authored three separate blog entries today in addition to the entry which follows: a stern warning against ever trusting Tires Plus to lay a hand on your vehicle (which I assure you will be forthcoming the next week or two), a dull and rambling piece about the different roles self discipline plays in my life I wrote during a break at work, and my long rumored discussion of We, The Vehicles (I decided today that I have spent an average of half an hour a day over the last two and a half weeks pondering different comments to write about that album). Then again…had I taken the time to post the first three entries mentioned above, I most likely would not have been perched on the couch long enough to witness the two-episode, two-hour season premier of Hell’s Kitchen which ultimately represented the most satisfying subject to blog about before hitting the hay.

Prior to this evening, I had never viewed an episode of Hell’s Kitchen. The advertisements for the second season that began to pop up a couple weeks ago did nothing to diminish my perception of the program as a worthless vehicle for a farcically enraged British chef. The stars aligned to place me in front of the television at 7 PM on a Monday evening with absolutely nothing on television aside from Hell’s Kitchen. If not for an emergency trip to Car-X, a celebratory stop at Little Caesars afterwards, and a return trip to the then closed Car-X to attempt to retrieve the back pack I forgot in the waiting room, you would not be reading this blog entry right now.

The most striking of my misconceptions about Hell’s Kitchen pertain to the program’s featured personality, World Class Chef Gordon Ramsey. For starters, Chef Ramsey’s intense rage is not a mere ratings ploy as one would expect. While the Chef undeniably aims to maintain a tough love approach with the contestants, his venomous comments rarely come across as forced. It is difficult to say for certain when Fox both employs bleeping noises and pixelates the individual’s mouths to obscure profane speech but I doubt the word “fuck” has ever been uttered so frequently during a reality TV show. The fact that it is Ramsey - in the Donald Trump/Tyra Banks/Jeff Probst role - who drops the majority of the F-Bombs is beyond delightful. That is not to say however, that the effortlessness nature of the Chef’s nastiness is the only quality which renders his fury convincing. There are times when the man simply loses it. Completely. One particular scene in the second episode comes to mind where the Ramsey is forced to repeat his face paced recitation of a ticket for the third time. Upon finishing, the Chef unleashes a horrifying, guttural rant which in my opinion warranted one of those “Warning: The Following Program Features Material Which May Be Unsuitable for Minors” banners at the conclusion of the preceding commercial break.

Surprisingly, the character’s most refreshing turn occurs in the second episode during a brief scene where the Chef happens to be on his best behavior. After the all female Red Team wins a challenge, the women are flown by helicopter to a gourmet restaurant where the Chef insists the ladies refer to him as Gordon and engages in polite, gracious conversation. It is later hinted again that the Chef’s heart is not made entirely of stone when his hardened war zone exterior cracks as he attends to a seriously burned contestant in the kitchen.

Last but not least, the most captivating aspect of Hell’s Kitchen for me on a personal level is that for the second time life I have fallen head over heals in love with a contestant on a reality TV show. I fell hard for Nicole from Season 3 of America’s Next Top Model (a different person than the Nicole that won Season 5 of ANTM) who later broke my heart by announcing during an internet chat that she had a boyfriend. I am rather conservative about relationships and marriage in particular, meaning that I will most likely tie the knot sometime in my thirties after I have dated a woman for several years. That said, if given the opportunity to drop everything and move across the country to marry Nicole tomorrow I would probably jump at the opportunity. Suddenly, after just two episodes of the new season of Hell’s Kitchen I am beginning to form very similar feelings for Heather. Heather has virtually every quality I look for in a woman. She is hardworking, determined, street smart, rational, and stoic. After suffering what is by all accounts a brutal burn during the second episode, she continues to call out helpful instructions to her teammates despite what appears to be excruciating pain. Scariest of all is that while Heather most certainly does mean business and has to be considered the front-runner to win the competition at this point, she is also physically attractive and knows how to have a good time as evidenced by the scene where the women decide to don bikinis and get drunk in the hot tub. God help me.